I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
