i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
