grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk is not a location!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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