i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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