I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
