She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
