Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
