he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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