He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
