Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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