I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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