If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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