i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
50% drunk capacity currently
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
