yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
