if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
