the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
