R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
