Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize