i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
