Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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