They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
