i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
