smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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