Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The power of my boobs compel you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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