i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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