I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
