I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
