Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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