My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
