a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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