Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
