All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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