literally had 100 drinks last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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