I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
