just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
