even my farts smell like vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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