I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
