Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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