Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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