Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
