I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
