You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
