I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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