He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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