Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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