Swine flu is the new snow day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
