Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
