Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
