Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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