I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Those nachos came to me in a dream
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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