My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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