Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
