ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize