I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
