she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
