some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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