He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
