I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
