coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
