"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Congratulations! We have a period
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