So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
