do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize