Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
