She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
