dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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