Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
