and you said cock pushups were impossible
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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