I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
