I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
