Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
