I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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