i used baking grease as lip gloss
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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