sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
