I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
