In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
