Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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