1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
