maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
