Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
