she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
