Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
