accomplished twins. life is a go
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
