fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
