mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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