so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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