Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
