Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
