In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
