Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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