So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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