She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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