So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
