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if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
