The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
